When I Look at You
by IHeartArchuleta
Summary: "She sees Eli look over in her direction and gives her his famous smirk. She smiles back weakly in return.  And that's the last time Jenna Middleton ever sees Eli Goldsworthy." Oneshot. Onesided Eli/Jenna. Eli/Clare


The first time Jenna Middleton sees Eli Goldsworthy, she thinks he's kind of scary. A Goth boy driving a hearse to school. It's scary and kind of intriguing at the same time. She sees him talking to Clare and thinks that _maybe_ she can forgive her for last year. She hopes Goth Boy won't hurt her, though.

XX

The second time she sees Eli is in the hallway, with a girly-looking boy she thinks is named Adam. They seem to be getting along well and are trading comic books. The first thing she thinks is _geeks_ but then sees Eli's face go into a half smirk and thinks he's actually kind of cute.

XX

The next time she sees him is weeks later, hanging out with Adam and Clare. She didn't know why she had become so aware of Eli whenever he was around her, but she had. She also didn't know why a pang of sadness washed through her when she saw Eli and Clare acting flirty together.

XX

The fourth time is a little different from the others. They're in music class and the teacher assigns them as partners for a project they're doing. They have to write a song. Jenna can tell the first thought in Eli's head is _hell no_. She couldn't blame him, they were totally different. She was peppy and a Power Squad member and he was Misfit Goth Boy. How could they write a song together that they'd both like?

They did it, though, amazingly, and got the second highest grade in the class, right after Sav and his partner. After they finish performing, she hugs him, hyped up on adrenaline. She realizes what she's doing a second later, and pulls away quickly. She looks up to see the famous Eli-Goldsworthy-Half-Smirk. She feels herself blush and look away, wondering what it could mean.

XX

It takes her two weeks (and multiple conversations with Alli, Chantay, and Anya) after the music class hug for her to realize she has a crush on the Goth boy. She wants to vehemently deny it. But there's a part of her not letting her. So now she has to deal with the fact that she likes _another_ guy that Clare is interested in.

XX

Jenna tries to forget about the little crush, even dates KC again for a couple of weeks (it inevitably ends). She still can't get Eli out of her head, though. She asks Alli what she should do, to which her dark haired best friend tells her to forget about him. Anya and Chantay aren't much help either. Anya agrees with Alli and Chantay says to go for it. It's impossible to decide what's the right and wrong thing to do. Especially with her heart begging to follow Chantay's advice, but her head knowing to follow Alli and Anya's.

XX

The next memorable time she sees Eli, he's walking down the halls of Degrassi, Adam on one side of him, Clare on the other. Eli and Clare have their arms around each other, looking happy and content. When Jenna sees this, she feels her heart break a little bit. She walks away quickly in the opposite direction, fighting the sudden urge to cry.

XX

She's sitting alone at lunch that day when Eli walks up to her, asking what's wrong. She shrugs, trying to downplay it. But he sees the hurt in her eyes, it makes him remember Julia for a moment, before he steels himself away. He asks if she's sure she's fine, and she shakes her head no. He sits next to her and asks her to tell him. She doesn't know why, but she does.

After she's done telling the story of her feelings for him, he sits there in stunned silence. Can she blame him? A girl he barely knows and just has music class with him, likes him. It's humbling and scary all at the same time.

He tells her he's sorry, but he doesn't feel the same. There's just something between Clare and him. She nods, saying she understands. And she does, it just hurts to know the one guy she wants she can't have. He puts his arm around her awkwardly and squeezes it comfortingly, but it doesn't help. He's not doing it cuz he wants to be with her, he's doing it cuz he feels sorry for her. When he leaves to go back to Adam and Clare, she lets silent tears fall.

XX

It's years later, she's been out of Degrassi for years, she's working on her music career and going to college at the same time. She's in the studio when Alli calls her with the news: They've been invited to Eli and Clare's wedding. It feels like she's been punched in the stomach. Even though she hasn't seen him in four years, it still hurts. But she agrees to go with Alli, because sometimes she can be masochistic and want to make herself hurt.

XX

The ceremony is simple and a bunch of Degrassi alums are there. Declan and Holly J, Fiona and Adam, Zane and Riley, Sav and Anya, even KC and Bianca. She sits in the pew farthest from the ceremony, in jeans and a nice shirt, watching. Watching the guy she maybe kind of loves marry someone that's not her. When Eli and Clare kiss, sealing their marriage, she smiles along with everyone else and claps, but can feel tears stinging her eyes.

She watches Eli and Clare walk smiling hand-in-hand down the aisle, looking at their friends and each other lovingly. She sees Eli look over in her direction and gives her his famous smirk. She smiles back weakly in return.

And that's the last time Jenna Middleton ever sees Eli Goldsworthy

_Fin_

**I'm probably going to get flamed to hell with this one. But, at least give me a chance to explain: I LOVE Eli and Clare together. They're my second favorite **_**Degrassi**_** couple of the new generation (Zane and Riley being the first) BUT the idea of Eli/Jenna had played in my head a lot, and this fic was born.**

**I used a new writing style with this and I hope it worked. Please R&R, and don't worry, I fully expect flames for the couple choice. But please just let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Degrassi**_**, if I did Zane and Riley would be on it WAY more and would have a lot of kissing scenes! ;D**


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